Saturday, January 1, 2011

How it all began


Here is were it all began... er, at least this is where I'll start this story ;)

If you have been following me on my photography blog for very long you may have read about how I thought I was pregnant last August, and was heartbroken when it turned out that I wasn't. These past months have been an up and down struggle with wanting to have a baby and feeling like maybe our family was complete. I was longing for a baby and at the same time feeling overwhelmed with the kids we already have.

Then one day I woke up feeling like someone had kicked my guys out. My routine had always gone something like this: get up, get kids ready for school, take them to school, come home, blog... but on this day when I got home all I did was lay on the couch. Just the thought of sitting at my computer made me want to puke. I thought "maybe I'm coming down with a flu" fast forward to a week later and I've spent every spare moment on the couch, felt queezy and have eaten only enough to keep me alive.

I bought the pregnancy test.

I stood there in the pharmacy isle at Target thinking "I'm not going to blow twelve bucks on this damn test" with all of the feelings from the past failed pregnancy tests were back I said to myself "it's probably going to be negative anyway" and picked the $4 box with a single test. I waited until the house was quiet, and alone in the bathroom I peed on the stick, which showed the little plus sign in about a second and a half.

Holy crap. I'm pregnant... again.

I took a picture of the test with my cell camera and disposed of the evidence, and carried my news like a precious secret. I felt a mix of elation and panic. Dreaming about those sweet fingers and toes, and the precious life growing inside me.

Now here I am, ten weeks pregnant. The secret is out. I still wonder how this will all work out, I wonder what it will be like to be a mother of five before I'm even thirty.

I remind myself that I felt overwhelmed with two children, I feel overwhelmed with four, five will just be more. More diapers and laundry and sleepless nights, and more love, hugs and snuggles. More need to plan, more need to communicate well with my husband (something I truly suck at) more need to practice patience.

This blog is not about how to be the perfect parent or wife, I am so not either of those. This blog is just an invitation to share the journey of motherhood with me. Share the highs and lows of pregnancy and motherhood, the joy and the exhaustion of parenthood. And the craziness of trying to pick a name for this new baby! Feel free to ask lots of questions, feel free to share advice. I can't wait to meet new mom's and share this part of my life with you!

7 comments:

  1. I came across your photography blog yesterday and loved it! Im following that one and I'll be your first follower on this one! Congratulations on the new baby! Excited to read about it!

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  2. I'm so excited for you!! I'm thrilled to be allowed to follow your journey :)

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  3. I am so very happy for you and your family! I hope that this pregnancy is an easy one for you!

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  4. I am so excited that you decided to do a pregnancy blog! I love pregnancy blogs, in fact I did one when I was pregnant with my baby boy 2 years ago. I just found out I was pregnant and as soon as I let our church know I'm pregnant I plan on doing one for this little baby. So excited for you though, it's a great thing having a baby. Let me know any tips on moving from one to two.

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  5. Looking forward to sharing your journey and so admire you for going past 3, 4 to 5 kids sending loads of energy your way

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  6. Congrats! I can't wait to see how things unfold for you and your family. We have been trying to start a family of our own for 8 months now. I keep hoping THIS will be the month... until then, I'll live through you! :-)

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  7. congrats! I remember your posts back in August and how you ached yet were joyful and moved on and now this! Oh so wonderful! And also glad that you are hopefully done with the nausea. That can be the worst part:-) Are you going to find out what you are having? Only a few more months!!

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