Saturday, January 1, 2011
How it all began
Here is were it all began... er, at least this is where I'll start this story ;)
If you have been following me on my photography blog for very long you may have read about how I thought I was pregnant last August, and was heartbroken when it turned out that I wasn't. These past months have been an up and down struggle with wanting to have a baby and feeling like maybe our family was complete. I was longing for a baby and at the same time feeling overwhelmed with the kids we already have.
Then one day I woke up feeling like someone had kicked my guys out. My routine had always gone something like this: get up, get kids ready for school, take them to school, come home, blog... but on this day when I got home all I did was lay on the couch. Just the thought of sitting at my computer made me want to puke. I thought "maybe I'm coming down with a flu" fast forward to a week later and I've spent every spare moment on the couch, felt queezy and have eaten only enough to keep me alive.
I bought the pregnancy test.
I stood there in the pharmacy isle at Target thinking "I'm not going to blow twelve bucks on this damn test" with all of the feelings from the past failed pregnancy tests were back I said to myself "it's probably going to be negative anyway" and picked the $4 box with a single test. I waited until the house was quiet, and alone in the bathroom I peed on the stick, which showed the little plus sign in about a second and a half.
Holy crap. I'm pregnant... again.
I took a picture of the test with my cell camera and disposed of the evidence, and carried my news like a precious secret. I felt a mix of elation and panic. Dreaming about those sweet fingers and toes, and the precious life growing inside me.
Now here I am, ten weeks pregnant. The secret is out. I still wonder how this will all work out, I wonder what it will be like to be a mother of five before I'm even thirty.
I remind myself that I felt overwhelmed with two children, I feel overwhelmed with four, five will just be more. More diapers and laundry and sleepless nights, and more love, hugs and snuggles. More need to plan, more need to communicate well with my husband (something I truly suck at) more need to practice patience.
This blog is not about how to be the perfect parent or wife, I am so not either of those. This blog is just an invitation to share the journey of motherhood with me. Share the highs and lows of pregnancy and motherhood, the joy and the exhaustion of parenthood. And the craziness of trying to pick a name for this new baby! Feel free to ask lots of questions, feel free to share advice. I can't wait to meet new mom's and share this part of my life with you!