So I've had this post mulling around in my head for awhile... wondering if it's something to be blogged - or not. But I think what I'm experiencing now is a pretty normal part of a pregnancy - especially an unexpected one.
I am totally and fully in the "holy crap" stage of pregnancy. The stage where I am thinking - am I going to be able to do this? am I going to survive the transition to a bigger family? what have I done?!!!
I wanted this pregnancy and this baby very much. I'd get indigestion and feel those gassy rumbles that reminded me of pregnancy and it would make me almost cry to think I may never get to experience that again. Or I'd go through baby clothes to lend to people and I'd look at that sweet little dress that my mother gave me when my oldest was a baby and I would sigh to think it may have to sit in my closet for nearly twenty years waiting to be worn again. I miss nursing, I miss the snuggle of a baby, I miss being needed that intensely.
But I also am enjoying my freedom. It's nice to let the kids play in our fenced-in patch of grass by themselves while I'm in the kitchen just listening to them. It's nice to just sit at McDonalds and watch the kids play. It's nice to get work done with both of my hands for a change. I know I'll be giving up a lot of that for awhile - and I wonder... how will that affect the things that are important to me right now? How will that affect the things I've worked really hard on during this last year? Like my photograph blog and classes. I know I'll continue to blog and I'll continue to teach I just wonder how that will look, and how I will manage.
I've been putting off this ultrasound for awhile now. I don't know exactly why I've been avoiding it. It's like I really don't want to move onto the next stage in my pregnancy. The stage where I clear out room next to my bed for a bassinet and clear out a couple drawers for the new baby and gather all of those new-baby things. I'd like to hang onto this pregnancy - stretch it out and make it last. As tiring and uncomfortable as it is at times - I want to savor it.
So on that note I thought I'd mention a few more names that I think are totally cute - since the hubs and I will begin the baby name debate in earnest after tomorrow.
Layla Fayth (someone mentioned to me the name Faith with the y instead of the i and I think it's adorable for a middle name. I won't use it, but I still think it's adorable.
Ava (though it's become over-used, in my opinion)
Alayna (a favorite name since I was pregnant with Beth)
Abigail (always a favorite name! I've already used it, I just had to mention it again, since it is also rising in popularity)
Adeline (or some other variation of it)
Eve (SUCH a pretty name!!)
Mia (almost named Katie-Abigail this!!)
Charlotte (old fashioned, I know - but SO cute!!_
and of course Jane (or Jayne)
Eli (still a favorite)
Jacob (though I don't think any baby named this within the next five years will be able to be separated from the Twilight associations!)
I asked my kids about the new baby here is what they had to say:
(they were super-excited at the moment. I promise they are not like this all of the time!!!)